


Birthday Across Realities

by Scarlet_Witch_Angel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Realities, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), References to Depression, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve needs help, Steve's Birthday after The Snap, Steve's alone, Steve's in pain, those dusted in a different reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 15:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15173285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Witch_Angel/pseuds/Scarlet_Witch_Angel
Summary: Takes place after Infinity War.It's been two months since the infamous Snap that caused half the universe's population to be wiped out. It's Steve's birthday but even among the survivors he calls friends, he finds himself alone.Trapped in a sort of nexus reality, Bucky learns the ways of astral projection and dream walking. He learns enough to find that Steve has been suffering in silence. Will just a visit be able to help give Steve what he needs?





	Birthday Across Realities

**Author's Note:**

> As I wrote this, was thinking about what it would have been like for Steve when returning to the main Wakandan city after the snap. Would he have gotten the support he needed? Would any of the others have noticed him suffering? Bucky was the last one who actually knew Steve and the snap was what killed him.
> 
> I also brought into thought that there is a fan theory going around. What if the characters that were taken in The Snap were sent to another reality? So what I did was I did a play on that and tried to do what I could.
> 
> I did want to try and write something happy for Steve's 100th/34th birthday, but this is what happened. I regret nothing and everything at the same time.

It had been two months. Two months since everyone's world changed. Tony had found some way back, but it didn't seem to matter. The damage had already been done. Half of the population of the entire universe was gone. Everyone that they held onto dearly was gone. No one ever fully recover.

 

The team knew that this felt like a strange echo from 2012. They remembered when they heard about the loss of Coulson, when they came together as a team fully and finally. It was no different now, only it was. The Avengers once again came together – even Clint had returned to Wakanda, though quiet and more of a shell of a man. They had more and fewer members to their team now. They were a different sort of broken than before though. Everyone had felt loss this time around.

 

Shuri became the new Black Panther (it was found after Killmonger's coup that more than just the one heart-shaped herb had been saved) and Queen of Wakanda. M'Baku threatened anyone who would dare challenge the princess in this time. Okoye and the remaining members of the Dora knew to stand by their new queen, though they pained like her.

 

Tony was glad to still have Rhodes alive. He'd even found out that Pepper was still alive and was relieved to have his fiancee safe. He was even happier to see Bruce, however when the billionaire started talking science the man wouldn't have it. It frightened him to see this but in his own right he was still depressed, saddened by the great loss he felt from losing his young protege. And then when he learned about Vision's destruction he almost shut down, stopped only by Bruce, Pepper and Rhodes.

 

Thor stayed close with those from space. They were different, but they were no less in pain. Rocket, as it turned out the “rabbit”'s name was, was in pain from the loss of the tree-being Groot. The blue girl who had shown up with a wounded Tony told the creature that “the others” were gone, causing him to shatter more. The god had lost half of his people, his brother... He didn't know where the rest of those who had been on the ship were. He told them that this team was a family to him, but they could see the pain behind the quivering smile.

 

While everyone was trying to bring themselves together, three stayed to the side.

 

Natasha stayed close to Clint, trying to comfort him. They were family to each other. The archer had been the one to bring the secret agent in. Through their connection they were able to actually talk to each other. It was how she learned that Clint had lost his entire family. His wife, his children, his youngest boy; all of them gone. When he learned about Wanda, he just collapsed. Natasha knew the feeling. He felt like he'd failed and she felt like she'd failed him. They were together, though, and she wasn't about to let him go through it alone. They were they only family they had left.

 

But then...

 

It was two months after Thanos. Two months after The Snap.

 

It was the Fourth of July. It was Steve's 100th and 34th birthday.

 

And Steve?

 

Steve was alone.

 

Two years before, the super soldier had lost Peggy. She'd had a good long life, but the loss still hit him hard since for him it had only been a few years. That loss was hard, but at that point in time there was still one other person who knew who he was. That had been one of the reasons – albeit it wasn't the main reason – why the civil war of the team happened.

 

Now though? Now he was completely and totally alone.

 

Everyone had everyone else to lean on.

 

Sam was gone. One of his best friends in this modern world.

 

Wanda was gone. The little sister he'd never had but adopted in a way.

 

T'Challa was gone. A strong friend and ally in this darkened world.

 

But the loss that hit him the hardest was Bucky, the White Wolf... The former Winter Soldier. His friend, his brother, his ally...

 

His lover.

 

Not many of the the full team knew about them. How they had fallen for each other when they were in their early teens but had to hide from the world. About how Peggy, Howard and all the Howlies (or as they'd known them, the Invaders) knew about them and knew how much it didn't matter because it was love. How when Bucky fell, it destroyed Steve and why he had gone down with the Valkyrie instead of escaping like he could have. That when he woke up, it was like waking from one nightmare and being plunged into another.

 

What he hadn't told the others was that since The Snap, he was sure he was hallucinating. From time to time, he swore that he saw a figure, an outline of Bucky. Sometimes it was like he was seeing his lost love's ghost. At least three times a week he would have dreams where Bucky was still alive and they were smiling and laughing or doing much more intimate activities. That every time he woke up, he could feel the lingering kisses, hand holding, embraces.... everything.

 

But today was the worst because at least when he was in Cryo, Bucky was alive. At least when he was off doing secret missions, Bucky was safe in the nation that was starting to reveal more and more. This year, he wasn't there. He was gone again and he couldn't come back. He'd never come back.

 

As the nomadic soldier stood out on the balcony, he closed his eyes. A tear fell from his eye as he felt a cool jungle breeze. It wasn't like him to cry – at least in public – but he wasn't in public. He was by himself, on his birthday, on the common room balcony.

 

“God, Buck... I wish I could have saved you. I wish it had been me, rather than you. I wish it hadn't happened at all. Especially right now,” he uttered softly.

 

“ _Still wanting to take the grenade like always, punk.”_

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

The Wakandan Jungle was always beautiful this time of year. Or at least it had been for the small number of years that Bucky had lived there. Even T'Challa had commented on how in the summer, Wakanda was quite beautiful. And it still didn't fail to disappoint.

 

Only...

 

They weren't exactly in Wakanda.

 

They were in space and on a spacecraft. And in New York – well, Queens, Harlem, old Brooklyn, and Manhattan. And Wakanda. And the Himalayas. And Washington DC. And Novi Grad, Sokovia.

 

They were everywhere at the same time. All they had to do was just go for a walk (or even just think) and they were in the location they wanted to be. That's all it took and it was confusing at first for the group, but they got a hold of it.

 

The Sorcerer guy, Stephen Strange, called where they were a kind of nexus. They weren't dead – this certainly wasn't hell – but they weren't exactly alive. They were trapped until they could be freed, but they would have to help with their own freedom. And they had get contact with the others, the ones left in the world they wanted to get back to.

 

“So how do we get back? How do we get in touch with them?” Sam had asked about a month and a half ago, staying close to T'Challa. He looked over to where Wanda and Bucky sat, both of them equally pained and lost. He glanced to where the space inhabitants had congregated together, glad to be together but ultimately worried for the two left behind (the human of the group seemed surprised, worried and happy that the green woman was there). Then he saw the Spider-kid, remembering how attached Stark had been, saddened that he was there alone.

 

“It will take a lot of practice. Astral projection, dream walking. It's a lot for me to teach in a short amount of time,” Strange told them all, “not sure if I can really teach all of you in that amount of time.”

 

“I can warp reality to a degree,” Wanda spoke quietly while being held by Bucky. The young witch and the super soldier had become quite attached to each other. Their connection to Steve was strong, and Sam was one of the ones privy to the reasons why.

 

“I'm willing to learn,” the male brunette had spoken up.

 

“It will take a lot of practice and it will take a lot out of you,” the sorcerer told him, reminded him.

 

“I don't care. I'm willing learn. I'll do it.”

 

Which is what lead them to where they currently were. Bucky had gone through what seemed like months and months of training and practice – it honestly had felt like a year. He'd trained with both Strange and Wanda, working his way through the steps and various training. He'd found his way over to their true world, to their reality. The first time he'd come back from an astral walk, he'd been white as a sheet, but revealed that in their own world they'd only been gone two, maybe three weeks most.

 

“ _But that means-” T'Challa started._

 

“ _It's still May of 2018 there,” he'd answered. “By the way, T'Challa, Shuri is Queen and Black Panther now.”_

 

_A sad smile crossed the king's lips. “I'm sure my sister was stunning in the ceremony.”_

 

“ _M'Baku didn't let anyone challenge her. He didn't dare challenge her either.”_

 

“ _A true brother.”_

 

Bucky continued to go on astral and dream walks. He would tell the others what messages he could as he found out information. He walked through labs and forests, training grounds and common rooms. He saw the pain of loss, the denial and begging of gods.

 

Whenever he went to Steve, though, it was hard. His lover had no support system. And anyone who had been a part of it was mourning with others or was in the nexus. It pained him to see the hurt in the fake smiles. The anguish as he helped the others try to get back to themselves.

 

Most of the consensus on the other side was the same. What did the vigilante formerly known as Captain America need? Surely he didn't need any help.

 

But he wasn't Captain America anymore. While he was still an Army Captain (because there had been threats to Secretary Ross that if they didn't keep their titles there would be repercussions), he was purely Steve Rogers. He couldn't follow the rules of what he had been. He was his own person again.

 

And Steve Rogers - that once small, feisty artist from Brooklyn - had emotions, damn it! He needed to be cared for like everyone else! So why was no one taking care of him?!

 

Bucky would stay with Steve in the dreams, trying to comfort him as best he could. During his astral visits he would find ways to be with Steve at least for a short time. He was able to speak during the dreams, that was the easy part. He was still having trouble speaking with the astral, but he was getting it down.

 

And then it came. It was the day that the White Wolf regretted not being physically there for. Only three of the others understood what it meant. And it hurt.

 

“It's that day, isn't it?” Wanda spoke softly, tears in her eyes.

 

He nodded.

 

“Has nobody really even noticed over there? Do they really not care that much?” Sam huffed, angered that even the others who had helped them out in the end of the Civil War weren't paying attention.

 

“No. They haven't.”

 

“What's going on?” Stephen questioned, making his way over from the nexus Sanctorum facade.

 

“It's Captain Rogers' birthday in the outside world,” the king informed, “and no one has helped him or is wanting to be with him.”

 

“Ah yes, Steve Rogers. Both 100 and 34 this year, am I right?” the sorcerer asked.

 

“Yeah. And of course he's not really feeling like celebrating right now, especially since anyone who cared is with someone else or over here,” the Falcon grumbled his displeasure.

 

“I'm going over today,” Bucky told them. “I'm gonna Astral because he needs something. I'll get back to work tomorrow, but today he needs support.”

 

“Are you sure that's a good idea? Last you told us, he thinks you're a ghost,” Strange raised a brow.

 

“That's all I really can be to him right now. At least until we can get this figured out,” the White Wolf answered, his voice solid but soft, “And hopefully we can figure something out soon. I hate seeing him like this.”

 

“Fine,” the Sorcerer Supreme nodded, “To be honest, I'm surprised you're not already gone, knowing what he is to you.”

 

Bucky blinked. “You... knew?”

 

The man gave a small smile before it disappeared. “Be careful, Barnes.”

 

The brunet nodded before making his way into the Wakandan section of the nexus. As he walked through what he knew was the common area, he watched the ghostly forms of allies and former enemies. They were off by themselves, talking, enjoying time that they had.

 

And then he looked out at the common room balcony. That's where Steve stood, just staring out. Sighing softly, he made his way out there, standing a distance from where the man was and closing his eyes. He focused on what what his lover felt like, sounded like, where they were located, everything.

 

“ _God, Buck... I wish I could have saved you. I wish it had been me, rather than you. I wish it hadn't happened at all. Especially right now.”_

 

Bucky smiled softly before he spoke, surprising himself that he could finally do it. “Still wanting to take the grenade like always, punk.”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

Steve spun around, hearing the achingly familiar voice. His eyes were wide as he saw him standing there, and yet not. He didn't know what to think, what to say.

 

“Bucky,” he finally spoke after a few minutes.

 

“ _Hey Stevie.”_ The smile on the ghostly form was weak, but no less meaningful. _“Sorry I can't be there this year. I'm sorry I haven't been there in past years.”_  
  


“At least you were here,” his voice broke, “At least I knew you were alive. Now you're... you're...”  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Not quite dead, but not quite alive,” the former Winter Soldier told him.

 

“ _What do you mean?”_

 

“We're trapped right now, Steve. Everyone who turned to dust are trapped in a nexus. I'll explain more in a few days, but today I'm here for you.”

 

“ _Trapped? Nexus? Bucky, please, are you okay? Is everyone okay?”_

 

Bucky laughed, “As okay as we can be. We've been here what feels like a year, even though it's only been a couple months for you.”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

“Bucky...”

 

“ _Hey punk, come on. I'm here for you today. I'm not getting information. I'm not trying to pass information on, but again that will be later. I'm here for you.”_

 

The ghostly form walked (floated?) over to Steve and placed a hand hand on his cheek. The former American icon could swear that he actually felt the flesh on his cheek.

 

“God, Buck. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I especially miss you today.”

 

“ _I know Stevie. That monster took me from you. And you were already in so much pain. You don't need to be alone. Not today of all days.”_

 

The nomadic super soldier let tears fall from his eyes again. “Nobody cares anymore what today is. Anyone who does... They don't need to bother themselves with it. It's not like it matters.”

 

“ _Do you hear yourself love? Your birthday? Not important? If they were true friends and allies, they'd still celebrate it with you. They would help you and keep you company in your time.”_

 

“I don't... Bucky I don't need to...” His voice caught in his throat. What didn't he need to do?

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

Bucky watched as his lover struggled.

 

“Please Steve. My heart. My sunshine. My guiding light. Please, be with your friends. You need support today. While I can be with you spiritually, I can't be there physically. They are, they can.”

 

“ _Tony still hates me. Thor is distant. Bruce and Rhodes are busy with Tony. I can't even talk to Nat or Clint. Anyone who could actually gave a shit is...”_

 

“In this fucked up nexus, I know,” the brunet finished, “But please, Steve. Please. This is a special day for you. I celebrated mine last year, you need to celebrate yours.”

 

“ _I can't celebrate. Not when you aren't here, Buck. It doesn't feel right.”_

 

“Stevie, love, please. I know it's wrong. But just remember I love you and I'm fighting for a way to get back. I wish I could be with you. I wish I could celebrate with you,” he spoke, his whispers almost broken, “I wish that Thanos hadn't done what he did. But trust me when I tell you we are looking for a way back.”

 

“ _The ghosts... the dreams...”_

 

He smiled. “All me, wanting to make sure you were okay. And I know you're not. We know you're not.”

 

“ _We?”_

 

“Sam, Wanda and T'Challa know, too. They say hi and happy birthday, by the way. As does Spider-kid.”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

Steve watched at Bucky's form wavered before him. “Buck... are you okay?”

 

“ _Wha...? Oh yeah. Just doing this makes me tired sometimes. This is the first I've actually talked, really. Outside of the dreams I mean.”_

 

“The dreams... they were...”

 

“ _Real, yeah they were.”_ The form wavered again. _“I'm sorry Steve. I wish I could be here longer. I am getting a little tired though. Remember what I said.”_

 

The former icon's eyes continued to water as he stood there. He gently reached his hand up. “I don't want to celebrate it. Not without you.”

 

The ghostly form of his lover wavered again. _“I love you, punk. Happy birthday. I'll see you around.”_

 

As the form vanished before his eyes, he whispered softly, “I love you too, jerk.”

 

There was a cough from behind. Steve turned around to see Clint, Natasha and Shuri all standing there. He wiped his eyes, trying to look like the strong man he was supposed to be.

 

“He wasn't wrong Steve,” Clint spoke softly, his voice rough from disuse, “You do need to celebrate your birthday.”

 

Steve shook his head. “I don't feel like it. This isn't a year for celebrating. Not for anyone.”

 

Shuri sighed softly, going over to one side. “My brother would say differently, as would Wanda and the Falcon. You, dear Eagle... You need this. If it is only just us.”

 

“You heard your boy, Rogers,” Natasha nodded, going to the other, “You need this. And we'll be with you.”

 

Right at that moment, Steve just seemed to crumble and collapse, emotionally and physically. He still had his support. It wasn't as strong as it had once been, but it was still here. These three were willing to help him, to be with him on this day.

 

As the three took him in, the former American icon could have sworn he saw all four of his friends there, smiling and waving at him. Had Bucky found the strength to let them be seen? Honestly right then, it didn't seem like it could matter.

 

He'd found his support again. And they were going to take care of him and help him through this day.

 

It was going to be a better birthday than it had started off as.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. I'm sorry if I made you cry. Trust me, as I was writing it I was crying myself.
> 
> It's been said that after the snap, nothing will ever be the same. And that's very true. It was the same after Civil War, however the snap was what made everything hit hard. And really when you think about it, I had written in the story isn't wrong. The Snap is just an extreme, messed up form of Coulson's death. It will be the thing that brings the Avengers back together, much like Coulson's death had been the catalyst in bringing them together in the first place.
> 
> The reason why I had Bucky learn how to do astral projection and dream walking instead of Wanda was because while yes Wanda would be more capable of doing it, it's Bucky. He's just as stubborn as Steve when it comes down to it. Not only that but Bucky would be able to get around with little trouble since he'd been trained as the Winter Soldier to be able to do such things. Another thing to keep in mind is that while everyone would want to try to get back, Bucky would be the one wanting it most because he knows that Steve would need his support.
> 
> And speaking of Steve...
> 
> In this story, Steve is in a sort of depression, but anyone who would have been his original support team before Thanos are gone or dealing with their own losses. To have the depression that Steve has and not have support is never a good thing. In fact with the lack of support that Steve was receiving, I am honestly surprised that he would last as long as he did. Please please PLEASE! If you have any sort of severe depression and are having dark thoughts, please seek help and get support. Know that you are not alone out there and there are people who can help you.
> 
> You are loved.
> 
> You are wanted.
> 
> You. Are. Not. Alone.
> 
>  
> 
> Want to talk Stucky or Marvel with me? Hell, I even talk Arrowverse if you like! I'm on tumblr as scarlet_witch_angel


End file.
